Tuesday, February 28, 2006

3:08 AM

Big Problem

My brother was taken to the hospital hours ago. Glad that my friends were there. My research paper isn't done yet and our Oral Defense is fast approaching. I don't feel like posting right now. But I'm doing it anyway.

My brother has been suffering from a fever, a week na. So hard for me to cope with all the work in school and yet I've got other probs to take care of...

I hope he's okay...even though I always call him a brat...but he's still my bro.
My parents went to Iloilo to have him hospitalized. There's no one left at home but me and my parents and brother are an hour away from me. So I had to do the dating gawi...go to my Lolo's house and stay there until my brother gets well. I hope he does ASAP.

I'm about to face another competetion this saturday, the "1st Chavez-Palmares CUP--Regional Age Taekwondo Championship". But it seems that I don't feel the need of competing. My brother is suffering from a fever, my exams are fast approaching, and so is my research oral defense and I haven't practiced for 3 straight weeks because of the busy sched in school! Big problem 'to para sakin.

What do I do? Any advice from my fellow bloggers?

Sunday, February 26, 2006

4:11 AM

Mocking Plastics t-wo My Real Classmates

this is a continuation of the Mocking Plastics post

After moments of stillness of emotions, my classmates and I decided to break the silence... (Note: This post is a continuation of my prevous post "Mocking Plastics")

Our Recollection was scheculed last saturday, right after the postponed "Oral Defense" of our Thesis. I was anxious about that day. In fact, I was haunted the whole week by my hallucinations. My imaginations ran wild. I know that the retreat session might end up not-so-very-nice...well, I was wrong.

After long but stiking lectures from a seminarian from Negros, we eagerly went to the place where all the fight and misunderstandings happened, our very own classroom. We decided to continue with a Open Forum with all my classmates.

Yes, the Mocking Plastics whom I talked about in my last post were present. I didn't feel any tension at all. Not because I thought I was on the right side, but because I was ready to be judged, true or not true, it's easy to tell what's true.

I could not even believe that Regie Ann, whom my Nanay-nanayan in our room told me about (Regie Ann hates me daw ever since, my Nanay-nanayan told me) , said sorry for me for all her mistakes. I knew she had short-comings sometimes and I realized that it was time for me to be patient with her weaknesses. I wasn't rude and selfish, I just didn't understand her that time, and she didn't appreciate me either. So it was a bit of a mess. Confusing as it is, let's proceed with the forum. When it was my turn to speak, I told them every word that I wanted them to realize. First I didn't name the persons involved with my issue, I was scared that I might hurt them, and they might hurt me too. But gladly we talked about it with patience and maturity (because we're not the same ol' kids anymore--the worst kids in high school as the teachers perceived). My problems with the Mocking Plastics were solved. They said "SORRY", and I quickly accepted the apology. I explained to them, the words that I have practiced in front of the mirror...and it worked! Corz, a successful reconcilation with my friends wouldn't be possible without prayer. I prayed every night just to get my nerves eased!

I apologized too, even though if I didn't do anything to them, but you know, kasama na 'dun yung irritations nila. Maybe I might have not noticed them, irritated na pala with my openess to the class. But it was okay. Mas mabigat yung kasalanan nila sa 'kin and I didn't have the right to ignore them and so I easily forgave them. I promised the plastics-turned-friends that I wouldn't do anything that might humiliate them, I'm going to double my time in studying. They promised me that they wouldn't throw their mean and unreasonable comments on me again (especially if it's a bit personal and physical).

After the reconcilation, guess what?! We went to the Talabahan, we call oysters as talaba. Really a nice treat for the newly-reconciled

! We ate talaba the rest of the day! Yum!

What I've learned?

1. That it's not so hard to say sorry, if it really comes from the heart. If we really mean "sorry", it simply means that we accept our mistakes, READ: WHOLE-HEARTEDLY

! If it feels hard to say sorry to a friend that hurt you so bad, and so did she, maybe it's time to learn how to EAT PRIDE. It's not that delicious but once you've swallowed it, believe me you'll never regret.

2. How important friendship is! It's a gift! Friends are gifts, not curses. We tend to feel that they are a nuisance but mind you, you won't be you without them. They drive us weak to the bones with their pranks and backbites but, you know what? They're defense mechanisms, which means they backbite because they lack outlets of their emotions. Got it? Outlet-kung saan pinapalabasan ng galit, disappointment and sadness. That's why pests exist. What we should do? Not keep our mouths shut, tell them. Know the right approach, timing. Just like in Taekwondo (the sport I'm in), I can't hit the armour of my opponent if I don't posses calmness, timing and aggresiveness. Be aggressive in a positive way and go get your friends back. BUT...there's a BIG BUT! There are circumstances wherein we can't fix everything, we're just human beings! So sometimes there are words that should be left unsaid (as I've said and stated: it depends on the circumstance).

Hope that my kapwa blogistas learned something from my simple post. I just want to share my innermost thoughts on the latest issues of my life. After all, that's what friends and blogs are for...outlets.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

2:23 AM

Mocking Plastics

It's a sad story. Until now, some of my classmates failed to accept me...as simply being me. It's so sad to think of it. We are about to graduate...say 3-5 weeks from now...but still our relationship runs cold. Don't I have the right to be happy and confident and to feel acceted?
Dear Fellow bloggers I hate to say this but I'm about to reveal a little something about the habitat in which I live in. I am a soul of this cruel world trying to find my niche. Only a few understands, and my life has never been uncomplicated.

So how do I find my place? My story in school has never lived a happy ending. Much of my personality was changed because of a few circumstances that I have faced. (actually much of it wasn't purely my fault)

I am not alone. Jane has always been by my side since my first intimidators in high school. I was hurt during my sophie year because they called my "Tomato Face" behind my back and act as my allies in front of me. Jane was running for Validictorian supposedly, but some situations blocked her goal. She stopped cheating because she promised God that she has to. After all college life will seem more knotty than the usual high school years.

Lemme introduce to you the finest the most plastic-est friends that I've ever had...I called them, the Mocking Plastics. Since they mock people off their feet, spread mean rumors about innocent people, plus they are anti-ugly-looking people. Now who's worse than that?

Plastic #1: The Megalomainiac
Known for: Claiming that he's the greatest creature alive. This Plastic friend of mine is of course, one of my classmates. He would boast about his grades, which actually cheated from a ahem...friendly and kind neighbor. He senses everyone's mistakes, acting as if he's perfect. Judges the mabaho, looks down on the stupidest classmate, laughs at the unpretty and steals other people's BF-as they say ika-nga nila. (What?! I'm innocent?! You may not get it but that's exactly that exact thing that he's doing, got it? Just as my classmates have commented). Certified Synthetic Plastic! or CSP.

Plastic #2: The TR to belong
Known for: what else? Trying Hard to belong. Yes, he is popular. He's known for his silly pranks of telling our classmates (who's busy making their assignment este schoolwork) that our subject teacher is coming well in fact she's away and make them panic about it. He's a natural leader, a kind friend too. I've known him for so long as being fair and he posseses good judgement...but more of his negative traits "now" have over-ruled my belief about his personality. He likes being in the "IN". He tries to hard and too much that he forgets that he steps on his other friends too. He's with The Megalomaniac. Since the Megalomaniac is so influential to everyone, he would do mean things with his so-called friend! So mean that he forgot that I was the first person he knew in High School 'coz we're both transferees from other schools and it was our first time in the SSC program. (If one of my classmates have read this, don't ever think about telling this TR friend that I'm talking about please...and if MR. TR himself reads this, all I have to say is..."I've heard what you've said about me, behind my back and I am so frustrated of our friendship that has all been a lie for so many times.)

Plastic #3: The Pop Chics
Known for: being popular...or on second thought? Are they? They're not two, not three but about not less than five girls who claim themselves admired by countless persons. While me? Very well-liked by constant people, my friends, family and my fellow taekwondo jins (thank you very much.) These Chics are the "IN" din...daw? They walk on the campus feeling seniors (in fact they are, but what I mean is mature-minded). Some studs from the other section would murmur behind these chic's backs whenever they would pass by. I can't blame them, I mean these Pop Chics (a.k.a. one of my classmates too) feel that they are always given importance, the fame and the respect. Like my TR to belong and Megalomaniac Plastic friend, they judge too. The way I dance, I act, I comb my hair, I fix my things, I recite in class, sing, rap, kick, talk, and LOOK are almost being criticized! They search for the perfect classmate. Bearing the beauty, humor, personality, brains and over-all impact (the whole package) are some of their qualifications. Pretty hard to pass aye? Looks like they're searching for a candidate for the Ms. Universe for that matter. I guess in that case, I didn't pass.

It's not what you people thnk. I'm not dumb, I'm just lazy. I'm not ugly, I just don't feel pretty, I'm not a proud pig, I'm just being myself. I'm not OA, I'm just good at expressing myself...lastly, I'm not mean like them...I'm just telling the truth.

I don't want to be with these people once I graduate in High School and I'm sure they're happy not having me around. At least no one to whine about every morning because I sweat to much...but FYI: "It just proves that I'm normal, 'coz normal people sweat, and who wouldn't sweat walking on a hilltop?" (FYI din: our school is on top of a hill...really wide hill). They lowered my self-esteem and my perception of myself. I hope I'd get over it once and for all. Make peace with them, get a grip to the real world (collage), let go of the past and invent a new me. Then my high school terrors are all over.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

3:27 AM

Happy Val's Day Everyone!

I got these presents from my dear friends! Try visiting their cute sites!

This one's from Sis Chynes. Happy Valentine's Girl!

And I got a present from Hip Blogger Yvan!

...and a really cute personalized present from Kumiko! Thanks sis! I didn't expect a personalized gift from you! Thank you! Love yah! Hey BTW, nice new layout!

Can't thank you enough guys! Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

Thursday, February 09, 2006

3:17 AM

Stories Before the Fiesta

Just decided to post..walang magawa e. I haev weird experiences 'di pa dumadating yung pista dito. Mind if I share some?

Tindera ng Sabungan

I wasn't that thrilled that I was ordered na maging bantay nung store sa sabungan namin. Mahal talaga ang mga bilihin pag may sabong dito sa Passi. I had a little fun playing Tindera. Saying "Ano po yung sa inyo?" and exchanging pennies! I was with Angel. And we were supposed to be going out with my taekwondo friends para pumuntang perya. But my Dad insisted me to stay and guard the stockpile of cigars and softdrinks. We sold coke for P15 and beer for P25! 'Di ba ang mahal naman?! But Dad said it was the rule of the cockfight store owners.

It was a fine experience. I saw dead chickens nga lang, tinatahi pa yung mga sugat. Kawawa naman. I hate bloods! Tinignan namin ni Angel yung nasa cockpit! It was her first time na makapanood ng actual na sabong. I grew up with the chickens. Our house was just 3-5 steps away from the sabungan that's why.

Voices sa Gabi

Last night, I had this weird feeling about the quiteness of the night. Something was really telling me that I should get somebody by my side that night.

In the past few weeks, Angel was complaining that she saw something dun sa may sabungan. It was a lady in white...bata pa ata. Waaaaah! I told her that there are roaming spirits in our place. But I never saw or felt one ever since...since last night...

I went home at about 10pm. Nanggaling ako sa perya. Sumakay kami nung Horror Train at linait pa nga ng mga kasama ko yung mga nagpapanggap na aswang. And it was hilarious! Kasi napikon sila. Yeah I know they shouldn't have done that. I went home, quite sleepy. I watched PBB celeb Edition. I changed to my pajamas. It was about 11:30pm that night when I felt scared. I transfered to my Dad...dun sa room namin. Dun kasi siya natulog. I was surrounded by pillows. Confident that No one could come near me and that no one would disturb my beauty sleep. Then suddenly...

There were voices...umiiyak sila. I felt the chill! They were about my brother's age. Tapos parang nag-aaway sila. Then I covered my ears. I could not believe it! I mean I never felt such fright before. I never experienced it naman e. Still I could hear the noise. Sabi ko "Ano ba 'to! Matutulog na ako! Please leave me alone!". I put my hands together and began praying 3 I believe in God's, 3 Our Father's, 3 Hail Mary's and 3 Glory Be's. Then it left me for a while. Bumalik ulit! Ang gulo! I wrapped myself sa comforter! Then began tapping my Dad's shoulder. I said "Daddy, narinig mo yun?" nagising yung Dad ko. He said, "Yung alin? Wala naman akong naririnig kundi puro tunog ng fan ah?". Sabi ko, "Hindi, meron talagang umiiyak! Daddy, hindi ako makatulog. Bata, umiiyak siya! Mukhang dalawa o tatlo sila. Basta maraming voices! Nag-aaway!". Dad told me to pray. So I slept with both hands held together tightly--praying really hard so that whaterver it is out there would let me sleep.
Then at about 3am I woke up again. I felt something kasi. Then suddenly I felt wet! My Dad took the Holy Water and showered me! Then I slowly closed my eyes. After that, I slept tightly, leaving me with no worries or troubles. Certain that no one would bug me again. My Dad was praying pala habang natutulog ako. Naaawa nga ako sa kaya kasi 'di siya nakatulog ng mahimbing dahil sa mga wake up calls ko. He was praying the whole night.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

1:14 AM

On the Fiesta:Short post

More on The TOwn Fiesta

Our town fiesta is fastly approaching. Still no preparations ahead. It's gonna be on the 9th. Food Trip to the max! My classmates have planned our trail to our food trip. First stop maybe on Cresilda's then to MikMik's, Regie's, Zalvin's and my Lolo's house! Wee! Tomorrow's Bord's Birthday (he's one of my Taekwondo pals--the kid is my Uncle...youngest uncle so far!) and we're gonna be enjoying food! more food! They've invented this oreo cookie desert i wonder what they call it..."YUckie" ata. They told me Tata Villaruel's coming! The SIAM star is coming tonight daw. Well she's from Iloilo so she has to come.

I'm about to spend 5 days enjoyinng NO CLASS sessions with my classmates! It's gonna be the Town Fiesta! Wee! I'm pretty excited. The Lechon, the very traditional lechon! ahahaha! nasobrahan lang! Truth is, I just love life without classes! Hehe...Hope I'd havemuch time roaming around the Perya. I'm an ordinary teen. I love hanging out sa mga crowded places..but sometimes...I hate the crowd. They get me dizzy. They told me we're related with the fiesta Queen...but nah! When I was still a little girl (like about, 5 or so), they told me I'll be the next fame Fiesta Queen...after my Lola Letty. She was a gorgeous innocent looking queen of her times. Well I wanna be just like her. But it seems that ayaw ko na. I ain't as pretty as my Lola...ain't as rich as she is. She has lots of fans. True beauty. My cousin would love to be Queen in the next 10 years! Well, magpapaganda muna ako! Ahaha kulang pa daw e. MAsyado akong minamaliit. I told them...sila nalang. I can't be what I'm not. I'm not inggit with the prom queens, beauty queens or any kinds of queens for God's sake! Basta alam ko I live not to be a Fiesta Queen...or maybe it's just not for me.

I'll be missing Blogging! Maybe...because I lack budget for now. And I'll be a bit gone for a while to enjoy all those food! hehehe! Time toprctice for the demo tomorrow in TKD. Sir Victor is rging red again...yikes! catch up with you guys about our fiesta soon! mwaz!